


Laurens Tattoo Co.

by erszebet



Category: Hamilton - Miranda
Genre: Alternate Universe - Tattoo Parlor, Blowjobs, M/M, Multi, Sexual Fantasy, Some angst, handjobs
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-07-03
Updated: 2017-07-20
Packaged: 2018-11-22 16:52:38
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 10,911
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11384379
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/erszebet/pseuds/erszebet
Summary: John Laurens is 29 and owns one of the best tattoo shops in New York. He's proud of himself, he loves his job, and his co-workers are awesome. Then, one day, Alexander Hamilton walks into his shop, and the world shifts.





	1. Chapter 1

The bells above the door tinkled, and John looked up in surprise. Even though his shop opened up earlier than most in the area, it was a rare occasion that someone came in this early without an appointment. John looked over his book, just to check, and sure enough, he was completely free until 3. His eyes shot to the ornate gilded clock on the wall, an ostentatious present from his sister when he opened, and saw it really was only a few minutes after ten in the morning.

A thin man, a little on the shorter side but still taller than John by a bit, stood a few feet from the front desk, fidgeting. His olive green henley looked a little worse for wear around the collar and his dark jeans seemed to have real, not artistic, holes in them.

"Can I help you?" John asked, throwing an easy smile at the man. He seemed nervous, and John didn't want to scare off a new customer.

"Yes! I mean, I hope you can, my friend Hercules says you do some of the best tattoos he's ever seen, and, well, no one wants a shitty tattoo. Or, maybe they do? I'm not sure, I've never gotten one before, which is sort of why I'm here."

The man has rushed all of this out in a single breath and is now running his hand through his black hair, and it keeps pooling back around his shoulders. 

"Well, I'm glad Herc has been happy with his work. My name's John," John said, extending a hand.

The man smiled and took several steps forwards, shaking John's hand vigorously.

"Alexander Hamilton. But, please, call me Alex," he finished.

John's eyes fixated on Alex's easy and brilliant smile, and his stomach tightened the slightest bit.

"Alex. What can I do for you today?" John asked.

Alex reached into his back pocket and pulled out a worn leather wallet, taking out a small picture of a laughing woman and a little boy sitting on a beach.

"I'd like to get a portrait of my mom. This is the only picture I have of her, and I know it's not in the greatest condition, but I was hoping you could do something with it," Alex said.

John took the photo and studied it. It was worn, but the important features were there: her face, tilted back slightly and laughing, a huge smile on her face. She's holding the little boy to her chest, and he's obviously giggling at something, too.

"Would you want the whole picture, or just her?" John asked.

"Just her. I don't mind if you have to stylize or change some things to make it look natural, but I want it to be of her. As long as it's her and she's laughing, I'll leave the specifics up to you," Alex finished, smiling fondly at the picture and running a finger lightly along the edge of the picture.

“Where would you want to get it and how big?” John asked. 

Alex pushed his right arm towards John and turned his hand palm up. He stretched his left hand across his up-turned forearm, spanning about six to seven inches. 

“I’d like it here, about this big. Color or black and grey, whatever you think is best,” Alex answered. 

John nodded, saying, "I can definitely do that. Let me copy this, and then we can get the details ironed out, okay?"

John reached to take the photograph to the backroom, but Alex pulled it away and looked at him with wide eyes.

"It's, uh, it's my only copy. Sorry, here," Alex said, gingerly placing the photo back on the counter.

John looked at him and felt a sad tug at his heart. He couldn't imagine only having one photo of his mom, not after losing her. He wondered what happened to Alex's mother but pushed the thought aside. He raised his hand and motioned for Alex to come with him.

"How about you come back with me? You can make the copy, even. Never has to leave your sight," John said. He tried to make his voice soft and inviting, not wanting Alex to mistake sympathy for pity.

"Really?" Alex said.

John nodded, "Really. It's not a big deal."

Alex beamed at him again, and John's stomach tightened, and he quickly took the photo and walked behind the counter, following John to the back room.

John opened the door and motioned for Alex to go in.

“It’s not much, but we like it,” John said. The small room had been a break area when the shop was a hair salon, and John kept some of the furniture and a small fridge so he and his co-workers could relax.

On the left, though, there was a small office set up tucked into the corner. A white desk, wood with metal accents, sat to the right. A set of lights were hung overhead, and John’s Mac was set up on top of the desk. The professional printer/scanner/copier loomed on the left side of the desk.

“This is a cool set up,” Alex said, walking towards John’s office. John mostly used it to do the books and finalize designs. He much preferred to do his initial sketches in the shop or at his apartment.

“Thanks. So, the machine is pretty standard, but I’m going to set up some specific copying options first,” John said and started pressing buttons on the machine. Alex’s eyes raked over John’s long, artist fingers.

John could hear Alex slightly behind him and to the right, shifting from one foot to another, so John finished and moved aside a few moments later.

“Go ahead and put the photo here, face down,” John instructed, pointing to the open copy compartment. Alex walked forward and crowded John’s space. John would have taken a step back had there been any room, but the “office” area was in the most cramped part of the room. Alex was close enough for John to smell him, the scent of oranges wafting under John’s nose.

Alex reached across John and placed the photo down before closing the lid himself. He began to press the green “start” button but paused, finger hovering, and raised an eyebrow at John.

“Go ahead,” John said, swallowing. His mouth suddenly felt dry. Alex’s smile, the one he’d seen at the front desk, was beautiful, but the quirk in Alex’s eyebrow added a mischievous aura to the man’s face that ignited a burn low in John’s stomach.

John stood there for a moment before he realized he was sort of staring, so he cleared his throat, saying, “I’m having the copies sent directly to my computer, so it should be done in just a second.”

“Okay,” Alex said before his face twisted into something else, something unsure and nervous. “Sorry for all of this. I know it’s weird to be so protective over a photograph, but—“

John cut him off, saying, “It’s totally cool. Really.” He placed his hand on top of Alex’s, which was still resting on the machine, to punctuate his statement.

Alex looked straight at John, and John swore the light behind the other man’s eyes kept getting brighter the longer he looked.

Lookin’ at, lookin’ at, lookin’ at me, look at that, look at how they lookin’ at me!

John jumped at the sound of his ringtone, cursing as he reached into his back pocket.

“Yes, Peggy?” John answered.

“I am so sorry I’m late. My morning seminar ran over and I had to go see Dr. Washington during office hours so I don’t bomb this next paper, please don’t fire me,” Peggy begged.

“Peggy, I’m not going to fire you. It’s okay, it’s a Wednesday before noon, we’re not exactly swamped. I don’t think Angelica and Aaron are here yet, so, just get here soon,” John said.

“Oh, thank goodness. Alright, I’ll see you soon.”

“Be safe, bye,” John answered and hung up.

Alex looked at him, that mischievous smile playing at his lips again, “So, you’re the boss?”

John shrugged and blushed a little. He led Alex back out into the main area of the shop and to the front desk. Alex went to the other side and leaned against the glass, looking much more comfortable than he had a half hour before.

“Yeah, I guess I am. But I’d like to think we’re more family here than anything else,” John said.

Alex nodded, saying, “That’s awesome. If they’re all half of sweet as you, I’m sure they’re good people.” Alex flashed him that brilliant smile, and John started taking out his pony tail and re-doing it just to have something to do with his hands. If he didn’t, he was sure he’d reach across and kiss Alex, right then and there.

“So, when do you want to get this done? I’m sort of booked for the next two months, at least for a tattoo that size,” John said, trying to return back to business mode. Alex stood up and stuck one hand in his pocket and ran the other through his hair.

“Well, my birthday is in, like, three months, so how about then?” Alex asked.

“Sure, when’s your birthday?”

“January 11th. Would I get to see it before then, or what? How does this work?” Alex asked.

“Oh, wow, I should have explained all that first. I love doing portrait work, and I got a little caught up in thinking about the design and everything,” John sputtered. Normally, he would have already walked Alex through the process before talking potential dates, but the man seemed to throw John off his game.

“For what you want, I’ll work on coming up with a design over the next couple of weeks. You’ll come back for a consultation, I’ll ask if you have any changes or anything you want to add, and I’ll make any changes or adjustments. You’ll come back on tattoo day, we’ll make sure everything is exactly how you want it, and then you’ll get tattooed! How does that sound?” John asked, smiling at Alex.

“That sounds perfect. I think it’ll take me three months to work up the nerve to actually get it,” Alex finished with a chuckle.

“Most people say that, don’t worry. You’ve thought about this for a while, I bet?”

“Yeah, for a few years. Just never knew who I wanted to do it, and when I saw Herc’s tattoos, I sort of fell in love.”

John’s cheeks heated up quickly. He’d never been the best at taking compliments, and hearing Alex give such glowing praise to his work made his stomach do flip-flops.

“Well, I’m glad you and Herc are friends. I’m really excited to work with you. So, let’s pick a date and get your deposit in order. Sound good?”

“Sounds great,” Alex said and smiled again. John hoped that smile stayed around for longer than just the next three months.

“I have all afternoon free on January 11th. Work for you?” 

“Perfect! How much is the deposit?” 

“Fifty dollars now, fifty dollars on the consultation day, and the balance on tattoo day,” John rattles off. 

Alex nods, biting his lip and thinking. John can see his hand floating over where his wallet is in his back pocket, and for a second, John thinks Alex might leave. 

“Okay, I can do that,” Alex says a moment later, and John lets out a breath he hadn’t realized he was holding. 

John gets Alex squared away, and at the last minute, grabs one of his business cards from their slot on the counter. He scribbles his cell phone number on the back and hands it to Alex, saying, “If you have any questions about the tattoo or want to change anything, here’s my cell. Texting or calling is fine.” 

Alex’s eyebrow raises again, and John’s starting to wonder if it’s an involuntary reaction. He smirks and takes the card from John’s outreached hand and tucks it into his wallet. 

“Thanks, John. I’ll let you know if I think of anything,” Alex says, walking towards the door. 

“Have a good day!” John calls out after him, blushing a little at how dorky he sounds. 

Alex stops at the door and turns around, smiling at John, and says, “You, too, John Laurens.” 

And then, he’s gone.


	2. 10/11/2016 - 10/24/2016

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> John and Alex get to know each other.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much to @one_golden_sun for her constant reassurance and beta help!! I couldn't do it without her.

Peggy arrived to the shop about five minutes after Alex left, and the rest of John’s day was a blur from there. He and Peggy spent the morning going over the books and making sure all the bills were paid, and Angelica and Aaron arrived somewhere between eleven and noon. Both of them had clients in the chair by half-past noon, and John scarfed down a quick lunch before preparing for his three o’clock. 

In work mode for the rest of the day, Alex’s smile floats through his brain, but John doesn’t have the time to spare him more than a passing thought. By ten o’clock, an hour after they’ve officially closed, John was wiped and more than thankful that his apartment was just above the shop. Even the thought of a commute right now sounded miserable. 

John opened the door and toed off his shoes before stepping in further. He trudged over to the kitchen and pulled out leftover lo-mein to munch on. He really should eat better, but the shop takes all of his time and energy, so he’s gotten to know the local take-out scene intimately. 

John finished the lo-mein and grabbed his bag, walking over to his bed. The apartment was a studio, but spacious for New York and has great windows, so John didn’t mind having his bed next to his kitchen. 

After stripping down to his boxers, John took a moment to plug in his phone and look it, saw that he had no new messages, and tried to ignore the disappointment in his stomach before falling into bed. 

\--*--

Light streamed into John’s apartment, soft strobes of sun settling across his face. He blinked awake and glanced at his bedside clock: 6:13 AM. He pulled himself out of bed, grumbling over the seventeen minutes of lost sleep. 

He threw on a pair of running shorts, a shirt, and a hoodie. October in New York could get chilly, but John loved the slice of the wind on his skin and the slow build of warmth in his body. Within minutes, his shoes were on and he was out the door. 

John loved few things as much as he loved tattooing. On the short list were his family (for the most part), his grandmother’s Key Lime Pie, and running. Hearing the rhythm of his feet against the pavement and the rush of air in his lungs made him feel alive. Grounded. Sometimes, John got lost in his head, and he would run too far or too long, making his feet ache the next day. 

He rounded the corner back to his apartment, close to completing his usual five mile loop, and pushed through the last quarter mile. His breath was coming hard and heavy when he reached his door, and he gasped when he felt the rush of air conditioning against his sweaty skin. 

Gulping down a glass of ice water, John stepped over to his bedside table and picked up his phone. He left it during runs, even though it wasn’t the safest idea. His life was so loud, so chaotic, and the his brain slowly silenced over the course of every run. Being able to let his body work on autopilot, not having to make decisions besides left, right, or straight, gave John peace. 

[unknown number] 10/10/2016 11:27 PM: hey, this is alex, i came by the shop today? you said to let you know if i have any questions and i just wanted to know how many tattoos do you have?? 

[unknown number] 10/10/2016 11:46 PM: that was a really dumb question, pls don’t hate me 

[unknown number] 10/11/2016 12:13 AM: okay so just forget i asked have a goodnight!! thanks for doing the tattoo for me 

John’s eyebrows scrunched together as he tried to figure out how to respond. He chewed on his bottom lip and looked at the full length mirror propped up against his wall. 

He definitely shouldn’t. But, Alex had seemed flirty enough the day before, and he had texted him pretty late...

John stripped off the shirt and hoodie, stood in front of the mirror in just his running shorts, and took a picture before he could think otherwise. 

[John] 10/11/2016 7:23 AM: I lost count years ago, but this should show pretty much all of them except my back piece and a few random ones. Let me know if you want to know more about any of them. It wasn’t a dumb question :) [picture attached] 

John sent the message and took a deep breath, feeling his heart racing a little. He wasn’t sure if it was from the message or leftover from his run, but he decided to jump into a cool shower to take care of it either way. 

John’s never had much tolerance for the cold, so he ended up switching the shower to full heat after a few minutes. Running his hands through his hair, John’s mind drifted to Alex’s hands. It seemed like Alex’s body never stopped moving, like a livewire ran from his head to his toes, and John gripped his own hair, tugging it, imagining Alex’s hands there instead of his own. 

John’s cock started to swell between his legs and his heart rate picked up again. So much for calming down. He left one of his hands in his hair, pulling it hard enough to hurt a bit, and ran the other down his wet body. Trailed his fingers over his cock, teasing himself a bit before wrapping his hand fully around himself. 

His left hand left his hair and he began pulling and pinching his nipples. He gasps a little at the sensation, never getting tired of feeling the cold metal of his piercings between his fingers. He wondered if Alex could see his nipple piercings in the picture, and his mind wandered to picturing Alex behind him, his own hands replacing John’s. 

_“Look at you,” Alex whispered, “so desperate for me, for my touch. Look at yourself, baby.”_

__

_Alex turned John’s head to look through the clear shower door and over to the bathroom mirror because he wanted John to see how beautifully his body reacted to Alex’s touches. Every caress earned a sigh, every brush of Alex’s lips against his neck garnered a shudder, every stroke of John’s cock brought him closer and closer to the edge.  
_ __

_“Open your eyes, John, I want you to watch when I make you cum,” Alex commanded. John looked out through lidded eyes, seeing Alex’s hand pulling at his cock and his lips sucking bruises into his neck._

__

__

_Alex pulled John flush against him with his free hand, wrapping his fingers in a vice grip around John’s hip. Alex’s cock slid up and down John’s crack in time with his strokes, and when Alex whispered “cum” in John’s ear, John came apart._

Cum shot out of John’s cock, and he gasped for breath. A shameful flush crept into his cheeks, realizing he’d only met Alex a day before, but he couldn’t find any real regret for his morning fantasy.

The water turned icy before John had too much time to think, and he yelped before turning off the shower. He dried himself and walked through the apartment, letting his hair air dry a bit while he dressed. The phone on the bed taunted him, and his curiosity got the better of him. It had only been twenty minutes or so, and it was early, but he couldn’t help but wonder if Alex had replied yet. 

[Alex] 10/11/2016 7:29 AM: oh wow, you’ve got a lot 

[Alex] 10/11/2016 7:30 AM: i mean tattoos, obviously, but you’ve got a lot of other stuff too it looks like 

[Alex] 10/11/2016 7:30AM: okay wow i promise i’m not a total perv, just a lot to see before i’ve finished my second coffee

[Alex] 10/11/2016 7:32AM: tell me about all of them 

[Alex] 10/11/2016 7:32AM: the tattoos i mean 

[Alex] 10/11/2016 7:33AM: or anything else you want to tell me ;) 

John’s brain whirred at a million miles an hour. He hadn’t expected Alex to respond so quickly, and he certainly hadn’t expected to openly flirtatious tone. Alex’s invitation to delve into a more adult conversation was tempting, but John wanted to make this last. He wanted Alex to be more than just a quick one-off. 

[John] 10/11/2016 7:48AM: I’d have to write a small book to explain every single one, but I can give you the highlights tour. Left arm is a sleeve of flowers, right arm is a lot of different tattoos that I’ve added elements to make it a cohesive sleeve. Chest piece is a geometric design promoting balance. The random ones on the tops of my thighs are from practicing on myself during my apprenticeship. Can’t see the back piece, but it’s sea-themed. 

John contemplated explaining the significance behind them but decided that he’d rather explain them in person, if… whatever they were doing got that far. He pressed send and finished getting ready, stuffing his phone in his back pocket and heading downstairs to do some sketching before the shop opened. 

\--*--

John took various printouts of Alex’s picture to his tracing table and started working on general sketches. Alex’s appointment was months out, but John itched to work on the piece.

In the picture, Alex’s mom sat on a towel with Alex between her legs, pulling the little boy back to her chest and holding him close. Both of them laughing at the camera, maybe at whoever stands behind the camera, and Alex’s face was all softness and chubby cheeks. His hair was cropped short around his ears, and John can’t help but notice how sweet he looked. 

His mom has a wide smile, and John suddenly saw where Alex’s brilliant one came from. Her skin was a warm tan color, and her black, wavy hair was pulled up in a high ponytail. Her bangs and pieces of her hair escaped the elastic and framed her face. She’s looking straight at the camera, and John thinks it’s almost miraculous how the photographer managed to capture this moment, when she’s in the middle of a laugh but not looking away or hiding her face. 

John zoned out for a bit, experimenting with a few different arrangements to account for Alex’s absence from the design. A key turned in the door, and John looked up to see Peggy coming through with two cups of coffee in her hands. 

“Good morning! I brought coffee and bagels.” 

“I see that, thank you. You didn’t have to do that,” John replies and reaches for the coffee. 

“Just wanted to say sorry for being late yesterday. I hate being late, and I really love this job.” 

“Peggy, it’s really no big deal. I only had one person come in before you got here.” 

John realized he’d said too much when Peggy looked at him and squinted. 

“You didn’t say anything about a new client yesterday. Who was it? Was it a celebrity? Is it someone top secret?” Peggy bombarded him with questions and pulled up her stool next to John’s tracing table. 

“No, no, it was just a regular customer. A man, his name is Alex.” 

“Oh? And what did Alex want?” 

“A tattoo, you nitwit. What else?” 

“Uh huh. Is that all he wanted, or are your cheeks naturally that color?” Peggy quipped. 

John choked a little bit on his coffee, and he put it down before staring at Peggy. He considered not telling her anything, but Peggy would wheedle him until he confessed everything, so he decided it best to just come out with a few scant details to satisfy her. 

“He was recommended to our shop. His name is Alex, and he scheduled an appointment for January, and he is really cute and sort of a flirt, not that it’s any of your business.” 

Peggy squealed and clasped her coffee tighter in her hands, saying, “A new beau! And he just walked right in here? When I just so happen to be late? How romantic. What does he look like?” 

“Taller than me, sort of skinny, but not overly so. Tan, black hair. Brilliant smile.” John’s face broke out into a lazy grin of its own, and Peggy eyed him with soft affection. 

“Sounds like he could be good for you.” 

John smiled and looked over to the photo, the memory of Alex’s smile alighting his brain. 

“Yeah, I think he might be.” 

\--*--  
[Alex] 10/11/2016 12:07 PM: sorry it took me so long to reply!! had a long meeting at work, v boring, how was ur morning? and wow, those are all gorgeous. why the flowers? 

[John] 10/11/2016 12:11 PM: No biggie. I’ve been busy at work all morning. Just finished a pet portrait of a fat orange cat on an older man. I used to live in the South, and our house was surrounded by a huge flower garden. It was my favorite place to escape as a kid, and I kept adding flowers a bit at a time, so I decided to make it a whole sleeve. Keep a little bit of the South with me. 

[Alex] 10/11/2016 12:12 PM: oh, wow, that’s really sweet. sort of why i want the tattoo of my mom, so i don’t have to worry about losing my last piece of her 

[Alex 10/11/2016 12:13 PM: also u write a lot

[Alex] 10/11/2016 12:13 PM: not a complaint, just sayin

[John] 10/11/2016 12:16 PM: I’m glad you’re giving me and my shop a shot. I hope you’ll be happy with the result. 

[Alex] 10/11/2016 12:18 PM: i don’t think you’ll disappoint me, john laurens :) 

John smiled at his phone, feeling his cheeks warm up at the easy confidence Alex had in him. He slid the phone into his pocket and got back to work, Alex’s words floating through his brain for the rest of the day. 

\--*--

[Alex] 10/12/2016 7:57 AM: okay so a guy who looks suspiciously like brad pitt just walked into sbucks and bought everyone coffee

[Alex] 10/12/2016 7:59 AM: not sure if brad pitt having a britney 2007 moment or just a stranger 

[Alex] 10/12/2016 8:00 AM: i should mention he was wearing a kilt [picture attached]

[John] 10/12/2016 8:02 AM: Did you upsize your order? 

[Alex] 10/11/2016 8:04 AM: you can’t upsize a venti 

[John] 10/12/2016 8:06 AM: I think you can, but maybe you shouldn’t. 

[Alex] 10/12/2016 8:07 AM: there’s a bigger size than a venti?? what!?

[Alex] 10/12/2016 8:07 AM: i feel robbed and lied to 

[John] 10/12/2016 8:08 AM: Sorry to ruin your morning, lol. 

[Alex] 10/12/2016 8:10 AM: don’t be silly 

[Alex] 10/12/2016 8:10 AM: ur conversation is almost on par with the coffee 

[John] 10/11/2016 12:16 PM: I’m flattered. 

\--*--

[John] 10/15/2016 9:16 PM: One of my co-workers brought his daughter into work today, and now my arms are covered with finger paint. [picture attached] 

[Alex] 10/15/2016 9:17 PM: oh my god that’s too precious

[Alex] 10/15/2016 9:18 PM: how old is she??

[John] 10/15/2016 9:21 PM: Almost two. I’ve known her father since before she was born, he’s sort of my right hand man. His name’s Aaron. 

[Alex] 10/15/2016 9:29 PM: oh? is he cute?

[John] 10/15/2016 9:30 PM: Silent, brooding, and straight isn’t really my type, but his wife likes him. 

[Alex] 10/15/2016 9:31 PM: i guess that wasn’t exactly subtle was it

[John] 10/15/2016 9:34 PM: Not at all. :) 

\--*--

[Alex] 10/16/2016 4:54 PM: how can you not have a favorite color?? you’re an artist, this is your shit

[John] 10/16/2016 4:55 PM: Exactly! How can I pick just one, when I use all of them all the time to do my job? They all have value. I love them all. 

[Alex] 10/16/2016 4:57 PM: they’re colors not pets

[John] 10/16/2016 4:58 PM: Okay, what’s your favorite book?

[Alex] 10/16/2016 5:01 PM: how dare u, that is COMPLETELY different

[Alex] 10/16/2016 5:01 PM: how could u even possibly compare the two 

[Alex] 10/16/2016 5:02 PM: i don’t even know how to dignify that question with a response so i won’t 

[John] 10/16/2016 5:04 PM: I mean, “Paint With All the Colors of the Wind” has always been one of my favorite Disney songs. 

[John] 10/16/2016 5:04 PM: So, maybe I’m just built to like all colors equally. 

[Alex] 10/16/2016 5:06 PM: let it go is better

John didn’t text Alex back for four hours out of sheer incredulity. Alex texted John forty-four times, including the entirety of “Let It Go.” 

\--*--

[John] 10/19/2016 11:54 PM: you know you talk a LOT 

[John] 10/19/2016 11:54 PM: like my phone has never had this many texts

[John] 10/19/2016 11:55 PM: do yuo talk thi s much in personh ??

[Alex]: 10/20/2016 12:02 AM: u okay, john??

[Alex] 10/20/2016 12:02 AM: and yes i probably talk more irl tbh 

[John] 10/20/2016 12:23 AM: wow 

[John] 10/20/2016 12:23 AM: you use yoru mouth a lottttt ?

[Alex] 10/20/2016 12:54 AM: i hope u have a ride home, pretty boy

[John] 10/20/2016 1:11 AM: i AM a pretty boy, ty 

[John] 10/20/2016 1: 11 AM: and peggy is calling a cabbbb nwo i thi nk 

[Alex] 10/20/2016 1:13 AM: let me know when u get home safe, okay?

[John] 10/20/2016 1:43 AM: homeeeeeeee bed now 

[John] 10/20/2016 1:43 AM: its a biiiig bed 

[Alex] 10/20/2016 1: 44 AM: i’m sure it is. goodnight, john :) 

John woke up the next morning and felt like Satan himself had kicked him in the head. He looked at his phone and decided he needed a few more hours of sleep before dealing with whatever he had said last night. 

It’s after noon when John finally crawled out of bed and made himself the world’s most pitiful omelette. He’s eaten half of it, while scrolling through his phone, and wondered what exactly to say to Alex. Nothing he said was too bad, but Alex hadn’t texted him yet, so he worried he had crossed a line. He didn’t want Alex to think that John just wanted him in his bed. 

[John] 10/20/2016 1:49 PM: I think this hangover actually killed me, so if you feel a slight haunting, it’s me. 

[Alex] 10/20/2016 1:55 PM: i mean casper was one of my favorite movies 

[Alex] 10/20/2016 1:55 PM: but id miss u so drink lots of fluids and get better :)

And with that, the easy banter fell back into place, and John finished his omelette. 

\--*--

[Alex] 10/22/2016 8:45 PM: do u have any tattoos u regret??

[John] 10/22/2016 8:51 PM: Not really. They all come from a point in my life where they meant something then. There’s one or two I wish I could change, but I don’t regret them. 

[Alex] 10/22/2016 9:03 PM: which ones do u want to change?

[Alex] 10/22/2016 9:04 PM: i hope it’s not the chest piece bc i love all of it 

[John] 10/22/2016 9:12 PM: No, definitely not that one. It was a pain to design and hurt like a bitch, but I love it. If I could change one, it’d be the one across my hips. I don’t know if you could see that one in the picture. 

[Alex] 10/22/2016 9:13 PM: no definitely not, u had too many clothes on 

[John] 10/22/2016 9:15 PM: All I had on was running shorts?

[Alex] 10/22/2016 9:21 PM: exactly, too much 

[Alex] 10/22/2016 9:21 PM: what is ur hip tattoo??

John walked to his bedroom and pulled his gray sweatpants down, not needing to do more, since they were all he was wearing. The cotton fabric rode low, the scant beginnings of his curly-haired happy trail peeking over the top of the fabric. He snapped a picture and made sure to angle it so Alex could read the elegant script clearly, spelling out ‘catastrophe.’ 

[John] 10/22/2016 9:26 PM: [picture attached] This is one of the first ones I got when I got to New York. I was 21 and angry and felt like my entire life, me included, was just a total catastrophe. I guess it was one of my more masochistic impulses, but I don’t regret it. 

[Alex] 10/22/2016 9:27 PM: holy shit 

[Alex] 10/22/2016 9:27 PM: please don’t ever get rid of it, i think this one is my new favorite 

[John] 10/22/2016 9:28 PM: You think I’m a catastrophe lol?

[Alex] 10/22/2016 9:31 PM: i think ur amazing 

[Alex] 10/22/2016 9:31 PM: and sometimes catastrophes are just storms, but storms can be beautiful, too 

\--*--

[Alex] 10/24/2016 2:23 PM: herc is forcing me to get a new suit, send help 

[John] 10/24/2016 2:25 PM: I will never come between Herc and his scissors. Y’all have fun with that. 

[Alex] 10/24/2016 2:29 PM: i forget ur from the south sometimes 

[Alex] 10/24/2016 2:29 PM: y’all lol 

[John] 10/24/2016 2:31 PM: Hush. I grew up in Charleston, but I came to New York in 2010 and haven’t really been back since, so this is home now. 

[Alex] 10/24/2016 2:33 PM: i moved here when i was 10, so this is basically all i’ve known 

[Alex] 10/24/2016 2:33 PM: why’d you move here??

[John] 10/24/2016 2:37 PM: It’s a long story, and I’ve got an appointment coming in soon. I’ll tell you some other time. 

John tapped out the message and hit send, trying to put his exit from Charleston to the back of his mind. There were no good memories down that road, and he needed to focus on his next client. Picking up his sketchbook, he walked to the front to sit next to Peggy and wait. 

\--*--  
[Alex] 10/24/2016 2:40 PM: that’s fine, you don’t have to tell me, i’m over curious sometimes

[Alex] 10/24/2016 2:43 PM: my dad left my mom and we moved here after we lost basically everything 

[Alex] 10/24/2016 2:44 PM: she died a few years later 

[Alex] 10/24/2016 2:45 PM: i know u didn’t ask, but ur doing a tattoo of her, so i thought you might want to know 

John opened the texts hours after they’d been sent and cursed at himself. He hadn’t meant to ignore his phone, but after he started on his afternoon client, he had shop business to take care of, Angelica needed help with a consultation for a guy looking for a huge back piece, and Theodosia brought Theo by to see Aaron around dinner. John was a sucker for the little girl, and any time she was in the room, all of his attention was on her. 

Now, hours later, he was walking up the stairs to his apartment and felt like an ass for not texting Alex back sooner. He tapped the phone icon next to Alex’s name and put the phone to his ear, hoping Alex would pick up. 

“Hello?”

“Hey,” Alex said. There was a brief moment of silence before he continued, “I didn’t mean to pry earlier, I’m sorry, it’s not my business. I just have zero chill so--” 

“No, no, we talk about everything, so this shouldn’t be different,” John took a deep breath and continued, “I feel like an ass for not responding earlier. Things got crazy here, but I also really hate talking about Charleston and everything before New York. I didn’t mean to ignore you.”

“It’s okay, really,” Alex said, and his voice was laced with sincerity. 

John chewed on his bottom lip, and then blurted out, “My mom died when I was sixteen.” 

Silence on the other end of the phone. John paced as he talked, running his hand soothingly through his hair. His mother did it so many times to him as a kid, whenever he was stressed or upset, and he’d learn to self-soothe after she died. 

“She was really sick for a long time, and then suddenly, she was gone. And nothing was really ever the same, and my Dad and I don’t get along, at all. College didn’t work out like I thought,” John chuckled drily and continued, “so I came here when I was twenty. Haven’t been back since.” 

More silence. John worried, ran a hand through his hair, and he was about to apologize again for being a jerk and bothering Alex when the other man spoke. 

“I’m sorry you lost her, John. And you didn’t have to tell me, but I’m glad you did,” Alex said softly.

John choked up a bit, and he felt a bit ridiculous in the moment. He’d known Alex for a little less than two weeks, and he was telling him something so deep, so personal. Then, he remembered the litany of texts, the ease of their conversation, Alex’s effortless slip into John’s life. Alex’s picture sat on his sketching desk in his apartment, surrounded by drafts, and he realized that Alex had already given him access to such a private part of himself. 

How many people had Alex shared his mother’s smile with? Who else knew one of Alex’s deepest fears, losing his mother all over again, losing the last piece of her? John couldn’t imagine it was many, and he felt a sense of peace and warmth come over him. 

“It’s hard to talk about. And, uh, I don’t want anyone’s pity, but I’m glad you get it,” John replied. 

There was a soft laugh on the other end of the phone, and Alex said, “So, now that we’ve opened up our deepest wounds to each other, wanna talk about something else?” 

“Yes, god, please,” John exclaimed. 

“Alright, so, I’ve been staring at that second selfie you sent me. With the sweatpants. I mean, and the first one, too, but the lighting is a little better in that second one. And is it just me or are your nipples actually pierced?” Alex asked. 

John ran a hand over his face and laughed, tickled that Alex could just move seamlessly to something so different. He didn’t know whether to respond to the question or pick at Alex for blatantly admitting to staring at John’s picture. 

“Yeah, they are. I have a few piercings.” 

“Oh? What else? I can see your septum, but is that it?” 

“I have my tongue done, too.” 

“Anything else?” 

“Maybe you can find out in person,” John quipped before he could stop himself. 

“Oh?” Alex’s voice had a new lilt to it, colored with desire. John’s stomach tightened again, and he wondered how Alex managed to affect him so easily, so quickly. Couldn’t imagine how effortlessly Alex would be able to take him apart in person.

“Uh, I mean, if you want? I know we just met, but, uh, you’re welcome to see it in person.” John felt completely lame, but flirting had never been his forte. He could pick up guys at the bar, sure, but it’s easier to feel confident when you’re in a dark club, wearing nothing but your tightest leather pants, and you can literally feel the desire of every guy that presses up behind you.

And he wasn’t exactly picking up Alex. For years, he’d had a string of meaningless short relationships and one-night stands, never wanting to be with someone after the college fiasco. But Alex felt different. John felt at peace when he heard his voice, like he’d found a port in a raging sea. 

“What exactly do you have in mind, John Laurens?” 

John fidgeted for a second, trying to come up with something interesting but light, and eventually, he just fell back on an old classic. 

“How about coffee? There’s a new place around the corner from my shop.” 

“Coffee?” Alex sounded confused. John felt himself recoil, entirely lost on why Alex wouldn’t want to go on a simple coffee date. Maybe it wasn’t good enough?

“Yeah? I mean, I know it’s cliche, but it’s a good first date sort of place.” 

John heard Alex’s breath hitch, and he began to feel cold, like a sliver of ice had settled between their warm banter.

“Oh, Jesus. Uhm, okay, so, I am a massive asshole and probably should have led with this like, two weeks ago, but I totally expected this to be a Netflix and chill situation, not a coffee date situation. Fuck, I am such an idiot,” Alex’s rant continued, but John’s stomach felt uneasy the longer he continued. 

“What should have told me? What the fuck is going on?” 

“I have a boyfriend.” 

John gasped, and then it was silent. He could hear Alex on the other end of the line, breathing, both of them waiting for the other to speak. 

John’s heart fell into the pit of his stomach, and he felt tears spring to his eyes. What else should he have expected? A guy like Alex, attractive, smart, sweet, of course, he has a boyfriend. 

“A boyfriend.” 

“Yeah. His name is--”

“I don’t give a fuck what his name is, why the hell would you spend the last fucking two weeks flirting with me, talking to me? Does he know about this? I thought you would be better than cheating, Alexander, but I guess not,” John fumed. 

“No! I don’t cheat, he knows. We, uh, we’re in a semi-open relationship. Can’t fuck whoever we want, but if we want to fuck someone new and talk about it before, it’s cool. I should have told you sooner, I am so sorry, I just wasn’t thinking. It’s usually just one-night stands.” 

Somehow, the fact that John stood in a long line of one-night stands made him feel even worse. 

“Fuck you, Alex.” 

John hung up the phone.


	3. 10/25-11/4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alex and John struggle with their feelings, and there's a conversation.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> French translations at the end! Forever shoutout to @one_golden_sun for her infinite wisdom and support.

[10/25]

Alex stared at the phone in his hand, entirely unsure how he had managed to _completely_ fuck up things with John so quickly. In his own mind, a guy like John--someone smart, sweet, talented--couldn’t be interested in a _relationship_ with Alex. Fucking? Sure. Alex owned a mirror, and maybe it was vain, but he knew he was attractive. He’d fucked enough guys and girls over the years to know just how to smile, how to cock his head, how to drop his voice to make panties (and boxers) drop.

But, his self-awareness worked against him, as well. He knew he was a hyperactive, over-talkative pain in the ass. Enough co-workers and former partners had asked him to sit, slow down, and shut up, and Alex was still in awe some days that someone like Lafayette loved him just the way he was. 

Alex walked inside from their balcony and found Lafayette sitting on their couch, legs stretched out on the bed, his gold painted toenails glimmering in the dimmed lights of their apartment. Alex plopped down next to him, pulling his feet underneath him, and tucking himself into Lafayette’s side. 

Lafayette put down his book and raised an eyebrow. “Are you alright, mon chou?” 

“I think I fucked up,” Alex blurted, letting his head fall against Lafayette’s solid shoulder, “no, I _know_ I fucked up.” 

“How, exactly, have you fucked up?”

“Y’know the tattoo artist I told you about? John? Lots of tattoos, abs, gorgeous face?” 

“Yes, he is doing your tattoo of your mother, correct? And you were hoping he would do more than that, _non_?” Lafayette teased, a lascivious smile stretching across his face. 

“Ugh, yes, you dork, that’s him. But, I don’t think he’s going to be doing any of it now.” 

Alex’s hushed voice alarmed Lafayette, and he turned on the couch to pull Alex into his arms. For as long as they had been dating, Alex and Lafayette had kept their sexual boundaries open. Both of them had certain desires that the other could not quite fill, and both of them knew that looking for that fulfillment elsewhere in no way lessened the depth and commitment of their love. 

However, in the entirety of their relationship, Alex had never seemed bereft over the loss of a potential paramour. Frustrated? Yes. Irritated? Sure. But never quiet and subdued, swirling in his thoughts as he was at the moment. 

“Mon amour, what has got you so down? We can find you another artist, and you have never had problems finding new lovers.” 

Alex remained silent, worrying his lower lip between his teeth. Laf’s worry grew in his chest, and he squeezed Alex tighter in his arms. 

“Talk to me, mon chou.” 

“He,” Alex began, opening and closing his mouth several times before continuing, “he’s different. I want him...more than I’ve wanted the others.” 

“More? What do you mean?” 

“Emotionally,” Alex blurted, “I, god, Laf, I love you so much, and I don’t know how this happened, but I like him. I _really_ like him, and I love you, and I feel so lost right now. Please, don’t hate me.” 

Alex curled in on himself and wouldn’t look at Lafayette. Laf’s heart broke for his boyfriend, and he held on tighter, slotting his face in Alex’s neck and pressing his lips against his ear. 

“Alexander, there is nothing you can do that will make me hate you. _Je t’aime de tout mon coeur_ ,” Alex sniffled and Lafayette kissed his cheek, nuzzling the skin. 

“You know, a few years after being with _ma mémé_ , I told her I hated her,” Alex looked up in confusion, but Lafayette shushed him and continued, “of course, I did not mean it. But, for a long time, I felt like she was trying to replace _mes parents_ , and the thought of losing them, that little bit of them I had left, scared me.” 

Alex turned in Laf’s arms and settled against his chest, bringing up a hand to wind in Lafayette’s hair. 

“Mémé, wise and wonderful as always, took my face in her hands, and she told me, ‘Bébé, I love you with all of my heart. No matter what you say or do, I will always love you.’ And, finally, I told her all of my fears, my terror of having to choose between her and my parents’ memory. For all of my life, I have carried her response with me: ‘Lafayette, a heart cannot shrink. A heart only grows, and the more people you love, the more your heart will grow.’” 

Both of them sat in silence for a few minutes, Lafayette running his hands up and down Alex’s back, and Alex breathing in Lafayette’s scent and huddling in his warmth. 

“I don’t know how I feel about John,” Alex began, “but I know that whatever I feel, I want more with him. And I want you, too.” 

“We will figure it out, mon chou. Your heart, our hearts, will grow, together.” 

“How? How does that even work?” 

“I do not know, exactly. But, you are one of the cleverest men I have ever met, and I am quite intelligent, _oui_? So, like I say, we will figure it out.” 

Alex quieted down after that, mulling it all over in his head, and Lafayette saw that his love was not going to let it go easily. He leaned down and captured Alex’s lips in a kiss, trying to sear his love into Alex’s mouth. 

Alex moaned against him, his hands coming up to wind around Laf’s neck, and Lafayette sat them both up. Never breaking their kiss, he turned them so Alex was on his back and began winding his way down his body. 

“ _Je t’aime,_ ” Lafayette said over and over, each time a kiss punctuated his words as he mouthed over Alex’s skin. 

“ _Tes yeux, j’en réve jour et nuit,_ ” Lafayette whispered against the skin of Alex’s hips, sucking a bruise into the skin between the words. Alex’s brain could only focus on the feelings of Lafayette’s hands and mouth on him and keeping up with the litany of french falling from his boyfriend’s mouth. 

_“ _Sans toi, mon coeur pleure_.” _

_“ _Je pense que tu veux dire ta bite_.” _

__

Lafayette bit into his skin and swatted the flesh of his ass that he could reach. 

“ _Non, mon coeur._ ” 

Before Alex could respond, Lafayette slipped his sweatpants down from his hips and surrounded his hard cock in one swallow. Alex gasped, his back bowing off of the couch, and his hands searching for purchase in Lafayette’s hair. 

“ _Mon Dieu, ta bouche._ ” 

Lafayette hummed around Alex’s throbbing cock, the taste of precum hitting his tongue. He lifted one hand up to grasp one of Alex’s, entangled in his own hair, and looked up at him. Even after years of being together, countless nights sharing each other’s bodies, Laf would never tire of seeing waves of pleasure fall over Alex’s face, erasing for a moment the lines of worry and exhaustion. 

Alex’s eyes opened, and Lafayette held his gaze, pushing his mouth deep and swallowing around the head. A moment later, Alex’s mouth opened in a silent gasp, and Lafayette felt the familiar, hot taste of come in the back of his throat. He took it all, lavishing Alex’s cock until he was whimpering with overstimulation, before pulling off and returning to his lover’s mouth. 

Alex clung to him, bringing Lafayette’s body as close as possible, his mouth seeming to try and suck the taste of his own pleasure off Lafayette’s tongue. A few minutes later they broke apart, keeping their foreheads touching and their bodies close together. 

_“À toi, pour toujours,”_ Lafayette whispered. 

Alex crushed his lips against his and spoke volumes with his body. 

____

__[10/26-10/27]_ _

__  


__[Alex] 10/26/2016 7:43 AM: john, i am so sorry. please, let me explain, i wasn't trying to hurt you_ _

__[Alex] 10/26/216 8:04 AM: im at sbucks a few blocks from ur shop, could i bring u anything?? no brad pitt stunt double buying today unfortunately_ _

__[Alex] 10/26 4:57 PM: [picture attached] saw these on my way home, thought they looked like some of the flowers on ur sleeve. i think they're hydrangeas_ _

__[Alex] 10/26/2016 10:49 PM: u can call me or text me whenever, i just want a chance to explain. i am so sorry_ _

__[Alex] 10/27/2016 1:34 AM: goodnight, i hope u sleep well_ _

__

____

__[11/2]_ _

__  
__

John remembered the first time he’d kissed Francis. Growing up together, both athletes and almost neighbors, the boys practically lived out of each other’s back pockets. Where one was, the other was sure to not be far behind. Francis, six inches taller than John and built like a quarterback, had been making re-occurring appearances in John’s less-than-innocent dreams for months.

__John had been clueless about what to do. Being Henry Laurens’s son, growing up in the South, these sort of thoughts, even unconscious, were not accepted. Sure, it was the twentieth century, so it wasn’t totally taboo, but it certainly wasn’t the sort of behavior expected of a _Laurens_. _ _

__Sometimes, John still dreamed about Francis. He dreamed about seemingly endless nights in the summer heat, bodies intertwined, Francis’s fingers in his hair. He dreamed about a future they would never have, Francis holding a little girl with his eyes and John’s freckles. He dreamed about the night it all came crashing down around him, Francis’s hands wringing over and over, telling him _enough is enough, John, we have to grow up_ and _our families expect certain things….we are not what they want_. _ _

__John had asked Francis if a life with him was what _he_ wanted. Francis’s silence had been tremendous, pounding against the inside of John’s head. A few days later, John sees that _Francis Kinloch is in a relationship with Martha Rutledge_ on Facebook, and he threw up all of his breakfast. _ _

__Henry had found him, eyes ringed red and the smell of stale vomit on his lips, and John closed his eyes to blot out the memory of that day. The last time he’d spoken to his father, hatred and vitriol spewing from both of their mouths, enough force behind Henry’s words to push John all the way to New York._ _

__Now, staring at the phone in his hand, seventeen unanswered texts from Alex (all unanswered), he felt the same gnawing nausea in the pit of his stomach. For the last week, he’d walked around with heaviness inside of him, each message from Alex collecting in his phone and dragging him down a bit further._ _

__Sitting on the floor of his apartment, he wondered how Alex wormed his way into Alex’s heart with such ease and quickness. How could he miss someone he barely knew?_ _

__But, that was it. Two weeks, short in time but long in their affections, had driven John to the edge of falling. And then, at the last moment, the solid ground he’d shared with Alex, the future he’d only begun to imagine, was yanked out from under him._ _

__He’d poured his emotions into his work and ended up spending hours after the shop had closed working on Alex’s tattoo. Staring at the picture, seeing the cherub-faced innocence on Alex’ face surrounded by the light and love of his mother, gave John a piece of Alex to hold onto._ _

__He turned his head to see the clock and groaned, realizing he was too late for a run before opening the shop._ _

__Angelica walked through the door as John drained his second cup of coffee._ _

__“Morning, John!”_ _

__“Morning, Angie.”_ _

__She came over to his station and peeked over his shoulder, letting out a soft sigh._ _

__“How many hours have you put into that piece, John?”_ _

__“Enough.” John's terse answer and taught shoulders belied his underlying stress. Suddenly, two hands were pulling his rolling stool away from his sketch table._ _

__“Hey, what the fuck--”_ _

__“Shut up. I have, we _all_ have, watched you mope for a week. What gives? All of this over one fuckboy?” _ _

__“Don’t call him that,” John snapped._ _

__Angelica raised an eyebrow and reached over to grab one of John’s sketches. Her face softened the longer she looked at the piece, John’s care evident in each delicate stroke. He was still working with pencil, trying to get each detail and shade right before moving onto making a stencil for the actual tattoo. She put the sketch down and put her hand on John’s shoulder._ _

__“What’s going on, John?”_ _

__“I don’t know. Honestly, I don’t understand why I care so much about him or his dumb boyfriend or any of this. He shouldn’t matter...” John trailed off._ _

__“But he does. So, what’re you going to do about it?”_ _

__“What do you mean? I’m not doing shit. I refuse to go through that bullshit again, Ang, I’m not gonna be someone’s fucking secret.”_ _

__“You have to do something, or what, were you planning on just throwing this away?” Angelica replied, gesturing to the tattoo sketch. “Even if you just tell him to fuck off and find a new tattoo artist, you have to talk to him. You can’t avoid it forever.”_ _

__John groaned and closed his eyes. He knew Angelica was right, knew he couldn’t ignore Alex forever, but he didn’t want to face the reality. At least with Alex’s unanswered texts sitting in his phone, he had a piece of him to hold onto. He had the fantasy of their reconciliation, their never-gonna-happen relationship he could grasp._ _

__Angelica rubbed his shoulder and moved to walk towards her station._ _

__“You’re a good man, John. Don’t let one asshole get in your way.”_ _

__John sighed._ _

___  
_

_[11/3]_

__  
The next day, after John closed the shop for the night, he sat in his chair and fiddled with his phone. Alex’s phone number glared back at him on the screen, and he tried to will himself to push the “call” button.

__As his thumb hovered over the little green phone symbol, a text came in._ _

__[Alex] 11/3/2016 10:12 PM: u probably already know this, but an exhibit on that de boulogne guy you like opened at the met last month_ _

__[Alex] 11/3/2016 10:12 PM: hope u get to see it_ _

__John’s heart fluttered. He’d known about the exhibit coming to the Met, but he’d forgetten about when it was opening. In a short conversation about art with Alex, John waxing poetic about Caravaggio and his followers and Alex talking about how gay Michaelangelo wa, Alex had asked John what his favorite piece of art was._ _

__Immediately, John launched into a passionate description of “The Martydom of St. Processo and St. Martinian,” a large, gruesome painting by Valentin de Boulogne done in the late 1620s for the Vatican. John loved the darkness of the painting, the sweeping strokes counterbalanced by the precise arrangement of bodies and anatomy. Renaissance art held a special place in John’s heart, holding his attention better than any other style._ _

__Alex had remembered. A passing conversation, one focused on a subject Alex had no interest in, and Alex had remembered. He felt simultaneously moved and angered. How could Alex do this to him, listen to him and care about him and make John feel _special_ , and then yank it away? _ _

__John tapped the call button and waited for Alex to pick up._ _

__“Hello?”_ _

__“Do you feel guilty or some shit? Are you and your boyfriend getting some sort of sick kick out of this? What the fuck, Alex, are you _trying_ to make me want you more?” _ _

__“Woah, no, hey! John, I’m not trying to do anything, I just, I knew you liked that de Boulogne guy, that’s all.”_ _

__“Oh, fuck the Met, that’s not what I mean, and you know it. You--you flirted with me, talked to me day and night, let me _open up_ to you, and, what, you just conveniently forgot you had a fucking boyfriend? If you just wanted to fuck me, you could’ve done that without messing with my emotions, asshole.” _ _

__“That’s not what I wanted at all! I--”_ _

__“Then what the fuck do you want?!”_ _

__“I like you, you jackass! And I love my boyfriend! And I don’t know what the fuck to do with that!”_ _

__Silence. Both men were shocked, John because he hadn’t known how Alex felt about him and Alex because he was still trying to process his own emotions._ _

__Alex broke the silence first, his voice pleading, “John, I _never_ meant to hurt you. Please, just, let me explain? In person, no more texts or miscommunication, just let me tell you everything from my side, and then, if you never want to see me again, I’ll leave you alone.” _ _

__John thought for a moment, considered telling Alex to fuck off and find a new artist, but his eyes stayed glued to the sketch sitting on his desk. His heart remembered the conversations and laughs and easy way Alex fell into his life, slotting in with natural grace._ _

__“Fine. There’s a coffee shop two blocks from my place, be there tomorrow morning at seven.”_ _

__John hung up before Alex could answer back and turned off his phone. He couldn’t handle any more of Alex tonight._ _

____

__[11/4]_ _

__  
  


__John decided to go straight from his run to the coffee shop. He knew he’d be too jittery, he may not even show up, if he stayed in his apartment, so he re-routed his run to end up at the shop. The weather had turned unexpectedly cold, so he showed up in black compression tights and a running thermal._ _

__Entering the shop, he expected to beat Alex there and be able to calm down some of his nerves, but he saw the tale-tell ponytail at a table right inside the door. Alex looked at him and stood up quickly, running his hands over his navy blue slacks. He looked different and familiar in his work clothes, a grey button up a little too big on his frame and the slacks riding low on his hips._ _

__“I, uh, I got you a caramel macchiato? I remembered you said you liked those.”_ _

__John smiled, tightly, and nodded before gesturing for them both to sit down. He took a swig of his macchiato, savoring the sweet caramel on his tongue, before clearing his throat._ _

__“So?”_ _

__Alex looked ready to jump out of his skin, but he took a breath and squared his shoulders._ _

__“I don’t really know how to say all of this, so, uh, I’m just gonna start? Just, let me get through it all, please, and then you can ask whatever you want or scream at me or leave, whatever you want to do.”_ _

__John stared at Alex for a moment before nodding, and the movement set Alex’s mouth into motion._ _

__“Lafayette and I have been dating for five years. We’ve never been monogamous, always been open to sleeping with other people, so long as we come home to each other. I’ve never loved anyone like I love him, but like, fuck monogamy culture and the incessant conflation of love and sex, it’s such bullshit. I mean, what other species is monogamous, seriously? It’s completely--fuck, that is not the point. What I mean to say is that when I met you, I thought it would be the same. You’re really hot and seemed into me, and I didn’t think about it being different.”_ _

__John’s heart hurt, and suddenly, he hated whoever Lafayette was and how he got every part of Alex._ _

__“But it was. It _is_. John, I, I’ve been thinking about you non-stop for the past week, I never wanted to hurt you, and I never really...imagined that I would want more with anyone else. I thought wanting more was betraying Lafayette, and I didn’t even think you’d _want_ more, and I was so stupid. But I do, I mean, I want more, and Lafayette doesn’t have a problem with it, and I have absolutely no clue how this is supposed to work, but if you’d let me try and fix this, try and show you how much I care, I promise, I’ll do better.” _ _

__John’s brain took almost a full minute to catch up and process. Alexander’s face grew more worried every second that passed by._ _

__“I...I really don't know what to say. Alex, how could you not know what you were doing? We talked, day and night, for a week straight, I shared secrets with you--how does that not sound like...flirting to you? And not casual sex flirting, either, real flirting.”_ _

__Alex took a big swig of his own coffee before answering, “I have no answer that’s going to satisfy you because I don’t really know why, either. I think maybe, deep down, I couldn’t imagine you, someone so talented and witty and intelligent, wanting to seriously date someone like me, but I know that’s...that’s not an excuse. I am sorry I hurt you, John. All I can say is I’m sorry, and I hope you’ll give me, give what we could be, a chance.”_ _

__John sat there for a moment looking over Alex. His eyes looked fatigued but held genuine warmth and sorrow in them, somehow portraying the emotions in equal measure. John’s heart tugged at the thought that Alex thought _he_ wasn’t good enough. Searching Alex’s face, seeing the set of his shoulders and the open-faced apology and barely-hidden hopefulness, the helpless feeling in John’s stomach started to recede. _ _

__He reached across the table and took Alex’s hand, saying, “I don’t know what this is, or could be, or what any of this means, but I know that I’ve thought about you and missed you more than I had any logical reason to for the past week. So, let’s...let’s give this a shot. Whatever this is.”_ _

__Alex’s smile set John’s heart on fire._ _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Lafayette:   
> I love you  
> Your eyes, I dream of them every night and day.   
> With you, my heart cries 
> 
> Alex:  
> I think you mean your dick 
> 
> Lafayette:  
> No, my heart 
> 
> Alex:  
> My god, your mouth 
> 
> Lafayette:   
> I am yours, forever.


End file.
